Emotional Intelligence Part 3 – Why Is It Useful to Express Your Own Emotions? Isn’t it enough to limit your communication to the factual level? Emotions are part of being human. Expressing emotions thus gives us authenticity and shows us human. Thus, it contributes greatly to the development and design of interpersonal relationships, as it gives our counterpart information about us and orientation. It also significantly promotes our physical and mental health.
It’s the appropriate expression that counts
Expressing feelings does not mean giving them free rein or saying what you feel always and at all times. The framework is set by so-called “display rules”, i.e. social rules in dealing with each other, and is also influenced by norms of the position, the profession, the company, etc.
Verbal or non-verbal – which is better?
Because we can express feelings in a more nuanced way in words, we increase the likelihood that our feelings will be understood “correctly” when we verbalize them. Verbal is therefore the means of choice.
At the same time, in the interplay of posture, gestures, facial expressions and voice, we provide numerous clues that are perceived as complementing or contrasting with our words. Therefore, it is very important to underpin one’s own feelings with coherent non-verbal signals.
Packing emotions into first-person messages
Since situations are always perceived subjectively, it is important to make it clear linguistically that it is about one’s own and subjective perception and does not claim universal validity.
This works well through “I” messages, such as
- “I have the impression that…”
- “I noticed that…”
- “To me, the whole thing seems as if…”
Another helpful tool to express your emotions appropriately is to formulate them in short feedbacks:
- Perception: What I specifically perceive/observe (behavioral)
- Effect: How this behavior / situation affects my feelings /
How I feel about it - Desire: What kind of behavior I would like to see
In this way, I ensure that I do not overwhelm my counterpart with the expression of my emotion and that communication can take place on a fair, factual level.
The next post is about recognizing other people’s feelings! An equally exciting area of Emotional Intelligence. Stand by!
